:)

2007-01-26T07:50:00.000-08:00

so i walked over to you and said, "pretty please, can i have a hug?"

you stared at me.
lifted me up.
and slammed me against the wall.

at least now i know..
i can't depend on a single person for my happiness.

because people, even the dearest,
they fail you.

2006-10-08T09:04:00.000-07:00

when great love is rejected,
a part of the heart dies.

the only thing he can do,
is to run away from everything.

to find someone he loves second most.

i never thought i could love again.
never thought i could let someone else in.

2006-09-20T22:39:00.000-07:00

ask and you will receive..

presents :)

I WANT PRESENTS! :D

2006-09-01T05:26:00.000-07:00

baby just say goodnight
i'll be gone tomorrow.
baby just close your eyes,
i can't stand the sorrow.
baby just walk away
you know i can't stay.

there's no easy way to say goodbye,
so baby,
just say

goodnight

please just say goodnight..

i can't believe it took me 3 years to understand and resolute that the path i had taken was wrong. and in the process, hurt someone so deeply. everytime the pain comes, i remember how it is a million times worse for you and i am so sorry. i am truely sorry for everything.

but please sing to me..

"i love you too much to make you stay baby,

fly away.."

2006-08-11T07:52:00.000-07:00

i need to stop reading blogs to remind myself how oh-so-boring my life is.

seriously,
why is my life not spent travelling around the world,
getting invited to functions,
sipping luxurious wines,
or even, fighting terrorists?

EVENTLESS.

that's it.
i am going to Europe with jq next year.
after America.
i'm going to BEG my mum.

YES.
whee :)

and so i ask for the millionth time,
why am i not her?

2006-08-08T03:25:00.000-07:00

i don't need to be the king of the world,
as long as i'm the hero of this little girl.

sweetness.. :)

arrival of emotional isolation.
time to conquer the world with my earth-shattering diligence!
DOREEN TAN

someday i'll know,
why i did all that i did.

i don't need to be a superman,
as long as you will always be my biggest fan.

should i go watch fireworks?
should i?
should i not?

hmm.

2006-06-17T20:12:00.000-07:00

i was born to love you.

he, who gives in abundance, and asks for that much in return.
she, who gives in sprinkles, asks for almost nothing in return.

he, who keeps asking.
she, who doesnt mind not receiving. just so he'll stop asking.

i'm so tired.
all sucked up and dried.
all faked up.
all used up.
looking at the expectations of me i cannot and will not fulfill.

all i ask is to be accepted the way i am. unquestioned
all i ask is eveything be happy. peaceful

"you're the best i can ever have."
"you're too good for me."
amidst all these giving and receiving, asking and accepting
she realises that she is the one who is not good enough for him.

i miss me.
just me.

maybe everything was a mistake right from the beginning.
maybe it shouldn't have been this way.

maybe i should stop this torment right here, right now.
because maybe,

i was not born to love you.

2006-03-30T07:49:00.000-08:00

Grandpa Died

He left me with his roses
and his black dirt garden with his tomatoes and lettuce
but he forgot to take our evenings in the kitchen together
and he forgot to take the smell of his jacket
and the sound of my name, the way he said it

He left me with his catfishing and his care of tools
and a set of deer antlers on the wall
but he forgot to take his glass of wine and ginger ale
and his big hands around mine.

He left a grey tackle box
a handmade knife and some homemade sinkers
but he left his hat on the rack
and his glasses by the bed
but he forgot to take his name,
forgot to take his smile.

He left his cruficix on the wall,
the statue of the Virgin on his dresser
and the braid of garlic
he loved so well.

-Jeff Curtis

2006-03-03T05:07:00.000-08:00

"... i loved him a lot, and i have always knew that..."

keep on running,
don't stop running,
gonna be a star today.
there's gonna be a lot
of people coming
to see us win the race :)

everybody's changing and i don't know why..

i'm feeling very detached.

2006-02-07T08:13:00.000-08:00

happy birthday.

2005-12-11T22:26:00.000-08:00

oh oh OH. jun is giving me 5 bucks or maybe more for christmas! but definitely 5 bucks. yippeeeeeee :)

jiang's considering. :))

and i need to make my christmas presents soon. wooooooo!

2005-12-11T22:04:00.000-08:00

had tuition this morning with jiangy :) where she told me all about her fellow worker. her loser fellow worker haha

am waiting for stupid samuel chan to wake up.. that idiotic pig. am going to explode with all the irritation!

amore-d yesterday! with stupid childish junyi who couldn't stop laughing at herself in front of the mirror. ok the moves are quite unfamiliar to us but i bloody had fun doing aerobics :) it's my cool place of the moment. then we hit the gym WHERE I AM GOING TO BOAST THAT I WORKED OUT FOR 2 HOURS. -GRINS on the stride thing and the treadmill and the arm pull thing. and we had our baths in the very nice cubicles with free flow LUX body wash, shampoo and conditioner. how cool is that! :D and there are dressing tables and chairs in front of the mirrors and hairdryers on the dressing tables. and i shall stop haha

need more money to go shopping.. even after i get my pay which isn't very little, it's still not enough!

stupid sammie. i want to go hugo boss!!

2005-12-09T11:17:00.000-08:00

the day you left me, sweets,
you took everything away too

i miss pee.
and i miss you.
my life will never be magical again..

bibbidi bobbidi boo*

to jas, ken and sam.
just please don't ever leave me.

we hooked pinkies and stamped our thumbs by the roadside roti prata store :)

peeeeeee..... :(

getting all emotional again.
the award goes to Tan Peiling.
it will never change.

and youu, you will always be glorious second.
and hopefully the last

2005-12-08T09:01:00.000-08:00

the sound came.
and you were gone

ok, this is to somebody who was once the most important person in my life.
i'm not going to name who,
i just need to get stuff off my chest.

you're probably gone, i don't know where you are,
what you're doing, or what you're thinking anymore.
i don't have any sign of existence from you,
much less care and protection.
the stuff you used to shower me with in the past.
and it'll be inappropriate for me to look for you again now..

i just wanna thank you for helping me pull through the difficult times and helping me time and time again for life in aj to be smoother and much much easier.
if it weren't for you, i don't know what would become of me today.
and thanks for making me feel so special, although it only lasted for a while, rushing over in between lessons just to make sure i was alright and going through extensive measures to plan the surprise of cakes.
and being there when nobody could :)

even though eventually, and inevitably it seems, we drifted apart.
(and i really regret, because yes i did try many times to salvage this relationship, but it always seems like i never really tried hard enough)
your place in my heart has never wavered
more often than not, i would still wish you were still here helping me handle situations or just simply being here.
and i really wish you would just tell me right in my face that it's already impossible, because now, basically, it's unknown
are you coming back?
are youu?
please do, please do not, please do, please do not......

the pain was there, but now what's left of me from you, are the blissful memories, the numbness from the past and uncertainty.

i know if you go, it would be for long.
and maybe, maybe i should really try to come to terms with it, or even begin to realise that you might not even be back anymore.
you were just in my life for a few months, and you've disappeared forever.
you're entering another world, a world that i can't enter, a world that would keep you away from me physically and emotionally. for a very long time
so you are really gone forever.

whatever it is.. i wanna wish you all the best. with whatever, i don't wanna know.
MAYBE when you finally decide to return i wouldn't be here waiting anymore. maybe i would :)

i dreamt of making you promise you'll always remember me.
please remember me

i miss you ,
i really do.

where are you now
what have you found?
where is your heart when i'm not around?
where are you now?
you gotta let me know,
so i can let you go.

2005-12-04T07:10:00.000-08:00

are you somewhere feeling lonely,
or is someone loving youu?

ok, everything's over.
you should be calling..
empty promises, broken agreements
but please don't call.
i'm begging youu

something's happening.
a queer chemical reaction.
i just hope it won't jinx us,
like many others before.
I MISS YOUU.

ok i've temporarily stopped working.
this is always happening to me and it sucks.
it is totally not my fault some people are just not born to do sales.. and are easily replaceable.

but it's ok, at least i have more time to myself and dreamland :)
have been shopping crazily the past few days.
with myself, baba, wends whee :)
went shopping with kenji today!
reserved some stuff for processing. i love LOVE shopping -gasps

and am going shopping tmr with mama! and mama is going to pay for everything, how nice.
but i've swept the ree tornado almost everywhere and there's not much stuff left to buy.
amore shopping!!
shoes and apparels for yoga, pilates, kickboxing and many many more. excitement :))

and christmas shopping!!
OK LISTEN UP PEOPLE WHO ARE PLANNING TO BUY CHRISTMAS PRESENTS FOR ME. :)
i'm going make things very simple for you,
1. cash (whatever amount it is, will not be judged. i am a contented and most importantly, an understanding girl)
2. shopping vouchers (same as the above, but please be smart enough to get them at boutiques i will shop at)
3. bring me shopping! but that is when there should be no limits set for me

very picky and practical girl i am.

tata!

2005-11-17T10:09:00.000-08:00

i'm sorry, i HAVE to remember this..

ree. says:
ok you don't even do that for me when i am DOWN idiot
pablo honey says:
hello
pablo honey says:
if i know youre down i wld la
pablo honey says:
come onnnnnnnnnn
pablo honey says:
not like you tell me when ure down.so how i know?
pablo honey says:
at least now you tell me abt jun what
pablo honey says:
next time i ask jun la k then i'll msg you

and when she left..

pablo honey says:
.. k byeeeeeeeeeee.next time you down tell me ah.or tell jun to tell me la

:))

2005-11-17T08:33:00.001-08:00

ooh and nana, if you're reading this
i'm sorry i haven't been keeping in touch.
you're busy and everything and i don't ever see you online and i miss you!
take care man, many loves :)

jun jun, this is for you from dora

pablo honey says:
stupid yj
pablo honey says:
next time i stand at my window and diao yj
pablo honey says:
actually dont need next time i can do it NOW
pablo honey says:
but too dark

yes i know, what's happening to all our englishes haha
but we all love youuuuuu

2005-11-17T07:48:00.000-08:00

if only, right from the start,
i knew how it was going to end

i FINALLY watched oprah today, for the first time since the holidays.
i would either still be in dreamland or in town already haha

oh well, everybody should watch oprah! really
and get reminded of all the love that exists in the world today
as stupid as it sounds, because it isn't as perfect as they portray it to be on stage

but it's amazing, oprah makes it to be.
EVERYTIME i watch it, unknowingly, there'll be tears tickling down
cool.. :)

and it's very disappointing now that there's nothing nice in magazines anymore..
things are either not nice or too expensive, and thus not worth the money OR from far east.
VERY SAD.
i wish i were older! and earning lots of money, woo.
then EVERYTHING would be worth the money wheeeee

ooh and i watched friends season 1, home alone today till a knight came and swept me off my feet :)
(because a third party came between junyi and me! haha and the stupid organ pushed jiangy away too.)
it was quite funny, the way they and everything looked.
the resolution is weird and i still like the later seasons better
but i still love friends :))

emotional pit-stop.

i miss youu

2005-11-14T01:01:00.000-08:00

m)phosis CALLED ME THIS MORNING!
i got over the excitement but now it's basically what i am going to tell toysRus.

i will soon have LOADS of money to shop!! -screams
wheeeeee and never in my life.. one of my favourite boutiques! -laughs and dies

wends is coming soon with my 2 packs of potato chips. :))
and more friends-watching!
i adore friends and ok, wends haha

and i had a good talk with jiangy today,
i miss you soo much!
all your crappiness, you were talking SO loudly, like practically shouting into the phone.
I MISS ALL THAT!
SEE YOU TOMORROWWWWWWWW -screams and dies

i'm a very happy girl

i love the hols :) baaaaaaaahhhh -screams some more

oh and junie, i hope you're alright!
hear from you tonight :)
i'll be glad to give you half of my happiness, cos there's A LOT.
-big hug

2005-11-13T09:56:00.000-08:00

just had the best talk with muh baby and i'm a very happy girl :)

i love you sooo much.
DON'T EVER LEAVE ME.

and thank you sammie. :)
for coming over in the middle of the night all the way from the other side of the world just to make sure i was all right and in the middle of your o's and making me laugh and making sure i will not be a spinster.. :) you're the best!

starting work at toysRus, this is funny.. haha
still jiangy, i wish you would be around :( i'm sorry dear.
i'm sure zahli liked you! :)

i'm losing this whole blogging thing..
woo

2005-10-29T07:34:00.000-07:00

"... (if you ever) want to turn back, just open the door. i'll be there with open arms."

all my life, people have come and go.
but i have to say, i never ever thought one of them to fade away would be youu.
i'm not going to wish you all the best.

things would be better this way.
away with all the weirdness and unfamiliarity

7 years of us,
it really would be better
for a stand-still.

ah well..

2005-10-20T19:43:00.000-07:00

i like routines and doing the same stuff over and over.
i hate trying new stuff and embarking on adventures.

but i just realised my life is quite boring,
it's quite eventless

that's sad.

my comfort zone is huge.
and i never really ventured of it.
i never really wanted to, or tried

i wish i pursued less of security sometimes.

oh well.

BORING GIRL,
I AM.

2005-10-20T05:28:00.000-07:00

wait.

HELLO WORLD, i got promoted :))
i am so glad, like ok, I AM GOING TO BE A J2.
HOW ABOUT THAT MAN! haha

so i can just watch friends for the whole holidays at ease
well, the holidays haven't started and i am already finishing fast mann
escapism, like totally

sometimes, i wish i were IN friends.
this sounds really lame but seriously

some friends just make me question my worth
and that is really sad.

AT LEAST
during phoebe's birthday, everyone made it a point to be there.
although chandler and monica wanted to have sex really badly and rachel and ross got locked out with their baby in the apartment.
and when monica and chandler got engaged, it was such an emotional moment.
but they did realise that ross was missing.

like oh my God, is it THAT hard to look around?
i'm seriously starting to understand what people mean when they say as we grow older, we don't make more friends, we lose more friends.

that one friendship you see hope in, future in
seems to harbour more selfishness than ever

i swear, don't even put that much hope in anything
at least once in a while, you get pleasant surprises

sometimes i don't know why people say sorry for.
and why do people do things they know they're just going to end up apologising for?
again and again?

ok i'm being such an ass

and ok jasmine my darling.
i am going to blog about my life, since you want me to right? :)
my life is about youu -quivers lips.

yes boring you.
i'm sure they don't want to read about you.
now shoo.

:)

2005-10-01T07:29:00.000-07:00

" 'why are we still friends?' she asked.
'i don't know dear,' i said,
'i wish i do.' "

a thousand years from now,
i want to be holding your hand.

2005-09-29T19:17:00.000-07:00

as much as i am very thankful that you entered my life,
sometimes i wish we never met.

sometimes i wish you knew the intensity of the impact you have cast upon my life.
sometimes i wish you knew the intensity of the impact you cast upon me when you left.

then maybe, just maybe, you'll still be around.

i miss youu.

he smiled at all of them, starting from the first,
he was sitting at a table, with all the women he loved,
it wouldn't matter even if the sky plummeted hard,
he was sitting at the table, with all the women he loved.

i wish i were a retarded girl.
then i don't have to face the terrible facts, one after another of them, smacked right in front of me.

2005-09-25T19:22:00.000-07:00

i'm not drowning fast enough

i did not forget that i have a blog.. i am just a lazy girl.

and i want to thank all my beloveds for making 21st and 23rd of September happy days for me :)) LOVE LOVE.

baby.
ally.jas.ken.laura.nat.sam.wendy.
dora.jiang.jq.jun.trish.
jang.joce.meryl.rara.

nana and wends didn't make it but oh well.

i will upload pictures soon, (to show the whole world the beloveds in my life) when i am not too lazy to receive photos and put them here.. i am a lazy girl and it is not helping that i am in a room filled with disgusting guys now speaking brilliant mandarin and interrupting my thoughts! freaky aj..

but hey i will love aj, when the time comes. -japanese soldies nod.
and i don't want to get retained so i am going to leave now.

"she silently mutters to herself "i wish you were the one whose life i lit up." "

you lit up my life. once

i will always be just 1 step behind you,
you just have to look back.

i never left

-indian accent. and i am very happy, weli weli happy that i defeated Mr Guru's turban and passed my lit essay with a BBBBBB!! :) efforts not wasted, weli good doreen tan.
my thoughts finally managed to penetrate his almighty turban and emerged triumphant!

ok off the cranky me go.

2005-08-23T08:07:00.000-07:00

"her heart began to pound and tears welled up in her eyes, not because she remembered the girl again, but because she had ever forgotten."

jq, i had a wonderful evening with youu :) i LOVE you soo much.

as we sat and talked in the warm but at the same time breezy canteen of our alma mater, laughing hysterically about the different stuff that happened everyday in school
i felt like ME again :)

it was just different.
in the past, everyday, interesting things happened.
and until today we are still giggling uncontrollably about them

like the time i told the uncle i wanted 'hot ice milo' cos it was a cold day.
and dora had to literally forklift me away to say 'hot milo' before i realised i was being such a dumbo. i remember myself squatting and laughing on the floor after that.

and how easy the girls, even now, ask for attention.
the confidence, it's magical

is it jc, or is it just aj?

i don't know.
st nicks, that was what i called life.

i was floating home :)
like last thursday when i met up with jun.
humongous night we had.

-screams

life in aj is hard..

i know now,
when you come back,
it won't be for long.

2005-08-15T01:33:00.000-07:00

just visited this person who owns this blog which everybody mistakes as mine.. what a disappointment.

"I know everyone's blog is just about their life but i wanna be different *as usual* *lol* / Also if you like Mcfly please join my group"

yes i can see how you're being different *giggles* *lol*
good luck with Mcfly *chuckles*

WHICH I HAPPEN TO LIKE A LOT! -roars.

i can't believe i'm putting all the stars here, making me giddy. eew..

oh well, the different methods we all seek to be different. really funny
speaking in stutters, speaking in a fake accents, carrying look-at-me but disgusting stuff, walking around like a pregnant women with the pubic bones jutting out, dyeing our hairs rainbows, letting our hair down in school "look at me, ain't i pretty?", leading weird lives we know we don't like.

ok i'm bitching. NO stop ree, STOP.

and i realise today, it's funny how we never forget things done behind our backs
but we never remember things done behind others' backs.
the self-absorbing world..

you told me you needed to go.

you'd come back right?
you'd come back for me :)

naively,
i said goodbye.

2005-07-30T09:04:00.000-07:00

you have been this dark, frozen lump tucked away at the back of my mind.
yesterday when you appeared, blood rushed into my brain
and dissolved the almost rusty spot.
the result solution, whatever it is
rushed through my body, flooded my entire heart and lungs
i couldn't breathe
it reached the tip of my toes and numbed my legs.

it eventually stung my eyes.
after you couldn't remember me.

there's a light in your eyes, but it's too bright to see
and a pain in my heart where you used to be
guess i was wrong to assume you were waiting here for me

there's a light in your eyes
would you keep a light burning for me?

maybe you remember this song,
but i bet you don't remember our past.

maybe i shouldn't blame you,
it's been 5 freaking years.

but the next time you see me,
i'll be radiant and proud
i'll be strutting past you.
the next time you see me,
i'll be standing tall.

the next time you see me, sweets
i'll be over youu.

nevertheless..
jas, sam, ken.
thanks :)

back to more light-hearted stuff :)
gideon: it's ok. i went pooling with another girl anyway. your loss :D
me: whatever.. i din't have to know about the 'another girl' thing. yes you know a lot of girls lahh ok? haha
gideon: haha. i never said anything about knowing a lot of girls what. why such a violent reaction? do i smell.. jealousy?
me: yes yes gideon, please play pool with me. PLEASE fall in love with me. please disown all your girlfriends for ME. please!

my ass
haha.

2005-07-19T06:58:00.000-07:00

pure chocolate makes you drunk :)

wrinkles formed on her ivory skin, at the corners of her eyes
as she shut them out till she saw no light, and wished with all her might.
her tiny fingers crossed, tiny fists clenched so tight
her baby knuckles turned so white, she wished with all her might.

"fairy godmother, wherever you are," she mumbled, so soft but clear,
"wherever you are, fairy godmother,
come save me, i'm right here."

2005-07-11T12:46:00.000-07:00

i wish
there was another way to get to you.

jq, dora and trish
the happy four friends
we're the fantastic four :)

you know, i was thinking.
as much as i always complain about aj.
the tottering structure, the almost rubbery and inedible food and everything else about it being so peasant and not up to par.
the GROSS uniform eww. ought to belong to a beggar.
but i realised that things would definitely not the same without the ever-so-nice people around me. :)
it's not just the people who i hang out with, but everybody as a whole. especially my class. including youu, yes you're stuck with me for another 1 and a half years at least, so chill out!
i love 4 of youu, jang, joce, meryl and rara, mighty much.
and all those.. :)
i want you to know how precious you guys are to me, it WAS difficult coming to aj for school everyday.

oh well, time to go for maths tutorial in the peasant style container block, which is a homeroom we have to share with another class! walking through the fried food smell, very poorly ventilated and lit, should-be-torn-down canteen. yes yes with a nicely put together class :)

2005-07-05T03:10:00.000-07:00

we are back at the starting point.

siqi came to aj todayy! my goodness, the girl din't change a tiny bit. :)

first day of school went much better than i expected yes.
juicy gossips!
i can't actually rmb much about the events of the day, as usual.

WHERE ARE ALL THE HISTORY TEACHERS IN THE WORLD?
and by the term 'teachers', ladies and gentlemen, i mean personnels who are properly trained and equipped with skills useful for imparting the essence of history to people who need a clue! about how stupid Cold War operates.
not people who are simply taught them and effortlessly get to be teachers just because there are more and more right-minded out there and thus, causing a fall and shortage in the people enrolling into NIE.

yes, i will tell you where Kuwait is. it's right under your very nose.

poor historians struggling.
let's see who's the last one standing!
grit your teeth harder kids, i'm making a move!

oh my, reminds me of the oh-so-cute penguins in oh-so-funny madagascar
just smile and wave, boys, smile and wave. ooh.. :)

we lost to time.
things can actually be good without you around.
i learn.

2005-06-29T22:32:00.000-07:00

jiang! i can sign no guestbook of yours! guestbook = owner = lousy haha. ok i can't wait for you to arrive at my house and watch friends with me and laugh my ass off with youu, wheeee :)

shit SHIT!! i forgot about oprah!! i'm 40 minutes late AAAAHHH

2005-06-29T08:53:00.000-07:00

it's ok to feel lost in the silence of the night
we all do.

i was lying on my bed, hugging my beloved pillow, listening to the soundtrack of Phantom of Opera, feeling highly pleased and at peace
when i decided to come here and announce that i love LOVE Phantom of Opera.

you alone can make my soul take flight
help me make the music of the night :)

oprah and lots of friends today!
with my life companion :) LOVE YOU.

as usual, oprah, my all-time favourite.
and friends, highly entertaining. (the whole disc 1 of season 9)

scenario:
in the hospital after rachel gives birth to emma. joey in ward with her.
engagement ring falls out of ross's jacket.
joey goes down on 1 knee and picks box up.
opens box and finds ring.
rachel says 'oh my God, yes!' haha.

super corny!

everybody starts walking in, including ross's father.
while joey is still in shock!
ross's dad wants to see his granddaughter, who is in the nursery.
ross offers to bring him there.

ross: -taps on rachel. i need to talk to you later.
rachel: oh yes, i need to talk to you too.
joey: -walks over to rachel. no, i need to talk to you.
-walks over to joey. and i need to talk to youu.
phoebe: -points at monica. and i need to talk to youu.
monica: about what?
phoebe: about whether you have any idea what these guys are talking about!

oh man, i'm freaking laughing to myself while typing this. shit haha.
ok i have to say this,
there was once, i cannot rmb when, i was laughing so hard,
from sitting on the couch, i started to lie down, then i rolled onto the floor and sat on it and continued laughing and colllapsed on the floor again. haha, oh well

you left
and it feels like you were never here.

is it me
or are you really fading away?

i miss youu a lot.

every now and then, you come into my mind.
the thoughts are not that frequent
but the pang in my heart each time,
it feels more than terrible.

if you only knew sweets,
if you only knew.

i don't think i will ever get over the fact that i lost youu.
thanks anyway.

2005-06-16T23:33:00.000-07:00

I LOVE THE OPRAH WINFREY SHOW.

do you know..?
85% women are wearing the wrong braaa.

michie :(

i used to laugh and mock when tv dramas show people leaving at the customs waving, holding their passports with some immigration paper chucked in among the pages, and whoever sending them off will be some dramamama freaks, sobbing and mumbling God-knows-what with their palms on the vapour-filled glass.

i never knew it really feels terrible.

when michie walked away, further and further away from us and nearer to the customs gates, i just kept repeating in my head, "she's leaving for good, she's leaving for good.." and it didn't help that i could feel she wanted to stayy.

it sucked big time.

of course we'll see her again, but it wouldn't be the same.

nothing ever stays the same and i detest the way nothing ever stays the same! -growls

i miss michie alr.. :(

i'm a sad girl :(

:(

2005-06-13T20:45:00.000-07:00

i miss him too.
on him, i found wings
too.

yesterday, when i was doing the dishes,(yes i do the dishes) i was thinking again, as usual.
i was wondering when "she must of course be pretty" and trash like that started.

men, over the centuries, have proven themselves to be undoubtedly superficial creatures. but they are not the only culprits. women, too, have gradually and mistakenly equate beauty to

face, arms, boobs, waist, hips, ass, thighs, and calves.

we're ALL part of this.

however, ladies and gentlemen.
how can anyone define beauty?

this is getting rather queer.

my debates instructor, cherrie, apparently looks damn good in makeup. but that's not the point, because she doesn't wear makeup most of the time.
being a little too fair, and having hair that needs a little treatment and arms that need a little gym work, i wouldn't say she's less attractive than any woman on the street with tanned and toned body and well combed and placed hair.

maybe that's because she is extremely eloquent. well, she was a national debator.
but i really think it's her confidence. woo hoo :)

it's her ability to put forth her words and thoughts so fluently, with smooth gestures which sometimes seem arrogant but that's it! arrogance in the right form :)

i wouldn't say she's nice, i don't really know her and she intimidates me with her overflowing arguements haha. but she is the ladeh that (right) guys today would look at and be interested in. now that, ladies and gentlemen, is attractiveness.

and nanapok, who again and again, have showed others that she's actually a beautiful girl although she looks like la pi xiao xing haha. i am very honoured to be part of your life :)

therefore, ladies ladies.
beauty lies within. WITHIN. that's true.
as long as you attempt to look ok. whee

one need not look gorgeous to be attractive.

of course you must not be eccentric!
dress sense is pretty important.
HEART OF GOLD :) silver and bronze is ok too.
appropriate amount of confidence. let it ooze..

was i crapping? haha.

"... and they lived happily ever after."

THE END

2005-06-08T10:32:00.000-07:00

ok it's late.. my times on my blog entries are still screwed.
lazy.
haven't been thinking a lot these few days, been going out like crazy.

but anyhows, went blog-reading just now.
and many long-lost friends i found..

oh my goodness, siqi. i hope she's doing well in canada, she sounds happy though. like freak, she just disappeared. like wham, and she was gone.
she seems to be leading a rather cool life though.
i miss that girl, all the crazy cheerleading and sports day days.

come to think of it.
other than friends, cheerleading is probably the only thing yet in this world i'm willing to attempt to give my all to.
that's extremely sad.

i miss the blue poms and the pretty get up.
all the ear-piercing screaming, punching and prancing and bouncing and shaking.
the thighs slapping, the freaking drilling. HANDSTANDS.
the un-erase-able memories :)

for me and jun, yes, it's the perfect way to lose weight.
we don't even realise it.
cos we're loving it :)

to ALL of those who were my friends:
whether i was nice to you or not.
i hope i was.. haha.
it took me like half my life in st nicks to learn to to be a nice person.
i wish all of you happiness, whee.

this is crap, this blog is so unknown.

i am going to play Luxor one LAST time and go to sleep. i will try.
because sam will kill me if i'm late tmr.
i can feel it alr..

and i have been crowned 'Queen Late' by wends.
how honourable!

and nana you bitch.
i'll reply your lame shit in my gb tmr haha.
you're not worth staying up another minute for!

2005-06-03T13:00:00.000-07:00

i'm still wearing the smile you loved,
looking for the happiness
that once slipped through my fingers.

the phone fell from the bed and broke the silence of the night. and disrupted my sleep, bloody hell. checked the phone to see whether it's alright and ooh, i had a msg. replied nana's msg and got me thinking about stuff. and it din't help that my nose was freaking blocked, it still is actually. i hate it when i'm freaking sick, i can't freaking sleep for nuts.

then i started singing the chinese song that is currently in my head. i sang and sang and hummed and hummed, in the dark. and that din't help get my mind off stuff. then i played 'glamour pinball' :) from the stupid phone that freaking woke me up. and even that din't help get my mind off youu.

and for everybody's information, it's 4am in the bloody morning -growls-
my blog's time is a tat bit screwed.

tongues are wagging. wag, wag, wag.
but i din't think it would matter to youu, that was what made you different.
you are no different from the rest now i can see.
and it's very disappointing.
but i still can't stop missing youu.
it's getting annoying.. why? :(

i wish you happiness, with all my heart.
even if it's going to be without me..

i shall go do something productive, like read agatha christie.
cos even wong ci has finished it.. now now, i feel like a loser.
forgive me, i'm feeling grumpy.

OR

i can attempt, for the 2nd time, to go back to sleep.
glorious sleep.

2005-06-02T05:23:00.000-07:00

went back to sn today :)

i love dora and jq.

and for the millionth time,
i thank God
that i'm part of CHIJ St. Nicholas Girls' School :)

2005-06-01T00:39:00.000-07:00

i'm over at nana's house now and she's cooking chicken chops for me :) haha although it's wrong! because i'm having sore throat.. but i love that girl anyhows.

IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU IS ON THE SPEAKER!! -dances- oh my goodness, it's MY song of the year :)

this is dedicated to pee, wherever you are :
anyhoo, before i left my house, i decided to look through my old and rusting guestbook, which has been recently brought back to life. and oh man, did i start missing youu..

pee i think you know, that you have never been just any other friend to me, you are different. i am never comfortable with calling you my friend, cos you are so much more than that. the place you stood and still stand in my heart is so unique and almost cannot be replaced. every other day i look back and wish with all my might that you never left my world and will still continue to wave your wand and bring magic into my life.

remember the time when i was having my eoys and you were having prelims? i was studying in the canteen with my usual gang in class and you came up to me and gave me an apple :) you offered it to me with 2 hands stretched out and that sheepish smile on your face and you said something like 'study hard'. i don't know whether you felt my elation cos i swear i hit the roof of the canteen ceiling. you should have seen the look on my face when i was chewing on the apple, they were laughing at me.

and the time we were studying at coffee bean bishan? i was doing chem and you were doing maths, and maths was all you did for o's :) i was telling you that i heard on the radio that day that one can actually get addicted to msging, as in it can actually become a medical condition. and i was telling you i think i am. and you said i din't have to worry cos you'll make sure that everytime i check my phone, i'll get a msg from youu :)

i love you pee.

and the following year, the day your o's results were getting released. the aniticipation i felt the whole day to see you again was enormous. you had some problems during the holidays so we couldn't really meet up. i was in my class, feverishly waiting for chinese o's results. i din't study for it so i knew i wasn't going to do well, i was really scared. i will never forget the way you called me when you appeared in my class. i was like 'oh my God, pee!!!', i vividly remember running up to youu, hugging you with everything i had and bursting into tears, i started crying like a cow. it wasn't because i was nervous or scared for my results or anything, it was because i was so glad to see youu again. and i want you to know i had never felt like that before, with anyone. until today.

do you know pee? that you made my day when you told me you were studying in nyp. i went to school announcing to everyone that it was going to be a good day. i wanted to cry so badly, because i was sooo happy. although the day din't turn out as good as i meant it to be, it was enough, really :)

dearest pee, you may not get to read this at all. but i just want to get it off my chest cos i really miss you mighty much now. i want the whole world to know what a wonderful person you are and how much you mean to me :) i want you to come back into my life and be a big part of it again. i miss the times when i would be msging you every other moment and when i know you will always be there for me, preventing me from falling. we are the mighty prees who love cheese :) i wish i tried a bit harder and bugged you a little bit more so maybe today, we will still be the mighty prees who love to eat cheese.

i miss sitting next to you during band and laughing and talking to you during sectionals. i miss the times you went crazy on me and just smack me on the back so hard, i would end up laughing like mad. and oh my goodness, your famous BURP. i would hear them 10 miles away. and the times you were just pushing me on, when i was juggling between cheerleading and band and studies. when i was at my great-granny's wake, pee, i wished so badly you were here with me. i miss talking with you about life and philosophies and emotions and love.

i miss you so badd.

and i'm going to tell you that now.

2005-05-31T08:12:00.000-07:00

my heart is in overdrive
and you're behind the steering wheel.

it's amazing how people can spend so much time on their blogs! add so much stuff here and there..
i can't be bothered.
lazy.

(EagleOne) says:
... you look like the kind with the i-know-i'm-pretty-but-don-try-to-fuck-around face

thanks a lot ridz.. hurhur.

2005-05-31T05:56:00.000-07:00

"she fondles with the empty fourth finger of her left hand,
she misses having a piece of metal, a hint of love around it."

this blog is for youu to find :)

i HAVE to start learning to live without you.

2005-05-29T17:01:00.000-07:00

dearest wend is over at my house now. i miss that girl..

anyway i just read michelle's blog
"i really wish my good friends will never leave, physically or emotionally. some has left already, silently they disappeared. if not, they're slowly fading into the shadows.."

got me thinking about a lot of stuff. my mind is so packed now, i don't really know where to start.
i never liked changes, since i was a little girl. i neither love nor enjoy clinging on to the past, but i would much rather do that, esp when it comes to friends. i hate the intense feeling of nostalgia when i see friends whom i have lost contact with or whom i did not bother to bring back. they serve as a constant reminder and lesson to me that i should never take things for granted. do i say hi or not?

sometimes i wish i tried harder to retain friendships that i know would matter a lot to me. and i wish i did not have to consider whether he or she really still need me around.

and then slowly, they fade away. and you're left with memories that, it seems, only you remember and hold close to. do i ask?

you're probably gone.

2005-05-29T01:40:00.000-07:00

woo.. :)

i am writing again!

anyhows went out with laura lee, my disgusting bestie today haha.

we went to watch the acjc production, camelot. it's boring yet magnificent. and oh my goodness, the girl who played maria in 12th Night 2 years ago, played genevieve. SHE IS SO FREAKING ATTRACTIVE. i wouldn't say she's pretty but i really liked looking at her. and she can't be my eyecandy cos i probably won't see her again. how sad..
the actors had so many costume changes, so many. and like the production lasted for more than 3 hours and there were dances and singing so like, i could see the amount of time and effort and MONEY they actually put in. woo, cool..

i'm feeling talkative today.
i don't usually like reporting my day but oh well, i'm writing again! :)

went town to shop after that. i bought a pair of really pretty shorts from mango. my thighs were bulging out but i really liked them a lot. and laura kept insisting i looked fine and i din't trust her. so i went up to a girl in the dressing room to ask whether i looked alright. i went berserk. laura and me were tearing the dressing room down with our laughing and i had a feeling the girl was just condescending me when she said i looked nice. she frowned so hard when i went over and said 'excuse me?'. haha i was getting weird stares. but oh well, i bought them in the end :)

the only source of stability and civilisation in my life.

i don't wanna feel like that about another person the same species as you. i don't wanna feel the same with anyone else similar to youu.

i'm not ready to say goodbye yet.